Don't get in the way of your own happiness

I know this post is long overdue and I'm not exactly going to apologize for my absence but rather be transparent about how I've been feeling. I genuinely hope that this a post that you can relate to and know that you aren't alone. 

The Real

These few months have been quite frustrating as well as a learning experience for me. As I stated in the previous post I planned some things that didn't go my way and that sort of broke my spirit a little bit. I began blaming myself and not being nice to myself, telling myself that I deserved to feel how I felt and that I should just get used to it. I wouldn't get out of the bed or eat, I slowly was falling into this depression and I wasn't really in my comfort zone.  I'm 20 years old, but let me tell you this was my first time being away from my immediate family for more than 3 weeks. So not only was I depressed, I was homesick. I gained weight and that made me feel worse about my outer appearance and I really started to think that this was how it was going to be. I couldn't bring myself to write for you and uplift you guys because I felt that I would be being fake, I mean how could I talk about positivity and encourage you guys to be better and take charge of your life when I couldn't do that myself? I know that my main focus is to talk about the importance of being mentally strong, but I don't want to shy away from the fact that it has its ups and downs.

 One day I found myself a full-blown mess and one of my close friends called me.  I was going to just forward the call because I was a mess and just got done crying my eyes out. I don't know what made me pick up either, but I know it was meant for her to call me and for us to have the talk that we did. She inspired me to not stay down, but to get up and to continue to do my best. So that's what I did and am continuing to do. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments where I don't want to get out out the bed or I want to completely isolate myself from the outside world. One of the ways I try to combat that is to tell myself that I am already the things I want to be. I already posses the things that of the woman I want to be, I just have to keep figuring out which it is that I posses that will unlock her! 

It's not easy trying to be happy all the time, but once again I will not let it define me.